No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
