We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
