remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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