i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
