she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
