Sry I called you an 8
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
