I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
