Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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