i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
