I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
