The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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