I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
