I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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