I can text with my tongue
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
