Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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