margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
