She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
