I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
