I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
