My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
