Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
