nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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