I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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