today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
