Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
