So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
