if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
