I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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