Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
