Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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