drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
