i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
