My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We have started to decorate penises.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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