Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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