I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
