I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
