Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
