sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My feet surprised me
Randomize