I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
