remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
