that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
