was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
