god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize