Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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