Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
