Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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