Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
