I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
