oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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