just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
