Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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