Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
