Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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