The maid of honor just puked.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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