He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those š
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
