they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
