I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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