I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
