proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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