i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
