My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you have to choose: penises or morals?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
