Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
