you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
