Just took my morning after pill in the library
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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