Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
