What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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