I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
