I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize