My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
