; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
