I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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