Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize