I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
